BY JOB AYANTOYE
It’s often said that men are easy to please. In a way, this is true. Turning a guy on and bringing him to orgasm is much simpler than doing the same for a woman. But of course, it’s never as simple as that. Guys have their likes and dislikes, and their turn ons and turn offs, just like women do.
Some of these will be immediate turn-offs for him, while others will wear him down over the long term. And a few of them are things to avoid for your own health and safety. What they all have in common is they will bring your sex life down, for you and for him. Avoid them, and your mutual pleasure will go places far beyond your wildest dreams!
Big mistakes women make in the bedroom
No sex life can be perfect at the first try. So before you even consider doing any of the following, think of how much further these little mistakes will take you away from your ideal sex life.
#1 Thinking he’s a psychic. All women are different, especially when it comes to what they need to reach orgasm. Even if a guy is an experienced lover, he won’t automatically know what you need to get off. That is, unless, you tell him. It’s essential to communicate in the bedroom, and when it comes to your own pleasure, it’s doubly important.
At the very least, your breathing and moaning should steer him in the right direction and clue him in on what you need. But don’t be afraid to tell him. Just remember, a lot of guys have fragile egos so don’t make him feel like he was doing anything wrong, just tell him how to do it even better.
#2 Never initiating. For whatever reason, too many women, and also a lot of men, think it’s only a man’s place to initiate sex. This is outdated to say the least, not to mention really boring. If you’re in the mood, there’s no need to wait for him to make the first move. Most guys will be totally turned on if a woman kicks things off. Make it extra hot and surprise him. Dress up, or just get naked and then walk in on him. Or just unzip his jeans and get started.
#3 Yap-yap-yap. Women talking in bed is more common than you might think. And no, not dirty talk, but regular conversation. Ask a guy with some experience under his belt, and he’ll tell you about women who talk about their day, about work, and even some who treat the bed like a psychiatrist’s couch. If you’re not talking about the sex you’re having, you should not talk during sex. Period.
#4 Bad hygiene. Unfortunately, having poor hygiene is a mistake both men and women commonly make in the bedroom. Fortunately, it’s an easily remedied one. And no, it’s not just about taking a shower and keeping clean. However you choose to wear or not wear your pubic hair, it needs to be soft. Nobody wants stubble rubbing on their skin.
#5 Too accepting. You should never do something you’re not comfortable with, but too often, women do. One of the most common ways they do this is by having unsafe sex at a man’s insistence. You should never have unprotected sex if you’re not comfortable with it. This goes even more so if a guy is trying to convince you to run with it sans condom. If he doesn’t want to use a condom with you, he probably didn’t use one with the last few women he slept with either. It’s your body, and your right to insist on safe sex.
#6 Dead fish. Some women don’t really do much during sex. They just kind of lie there. There are two reasons women do this: They either think it’s the right way to have sex, whether due to their past experience or their cultural norms, or they aren’t enjoying sex. If your problem is the second one, take it slow, try some different positions and moves, and if all that fails, see a professional.
If you fall into the first category here, you’re making a mistake in the bedroom. First, it will feel better for both of you if you move. It will help you control your own pleasure, and make his less predictable, and thus, better. It’s also a turn off for most guys to have a woman just lying there, not making sounds and not even responding. It’s not much different from having sex with a sex doll or simply jacking off.
Men take pleasure in pleasing a woman, and if she doesn’t move, it tells him he’s not doing something right. So how on earth would he ever know what he’s not doing right?
#7 Fake orgasm. You’ve probably read tips on how or when to fake an orgasm. Here’s the definitive answer on when to do it: Never! There’s just no reason to fake it. You will deprive yourself of future pleasure by making him think that whatever he did is what gets you off.
Not all women can orgasm every time, but that doesn’t mean they can’t still enjoy foreplay and sex without climax. If you can’t come, reassure him that you still enjoyed it and that it wasn’t something he did or didn’t do. Unless of course it was him, in which case, see item #1.
#8 Giving too much. Unfortunately, many men are selfish lovers who place little to no importance on a woman’s pleasure. You should never accept a selfish lover. If he’s not giving, then you shouldn’t be either. You can try to change him, but if he doesn’t start pulling his weight during sex within about a week, then he’s a lost cause. Get rid of him for the sake of your sex life. You can find someone better.
#9 Selfish love. As just mentioned, men are sometimes selfish lovers. But women are not immune to this either. You should never be selfish in bed. If he’s doing his part for your pleasure, then you need to make sure you’re keeping up your end of the bargain. If you’re both giving lovers, your sex life will be in much better shape.
#10 Silent treatment. Different women have different volume settings in bed. Some are loud, others quiet. What you should not be is mute. Men need to hear at least some moaning to know that they’re pleasing a woman. Of course, if he’s not pleasing you, you should let him know, but if he’s hitting all the right spots, you need to clue him in with your breathing, moaning, and if you’re comfortable with it, your words.
#11 Keeping him in the dark. Whether it’s due to hang-ups about their bodies or just because they think that’s how it should be done, a lot of women will only have sex in the dark. Nearly all men are visual, and it’s important for them to see a woman’s hair, face and body while making love.
You don’t have to keep all the lights on, but it should be bright enough that you can recognize each other’s faces. A candle, a nightlight, or a light in another room with a door slightly ajar will all do the trick. As a bonus, there will be less bumbling around when you can both actually see what you’re doing. You wouldn’t want him to accidentally stick it where he shouldn’t, would you?
Men are fairly easy to please, but certain mistakes that women make can get him out of the mood faster than pouring a bucket of ice water on him. If you work hard to please him, he’ll do the same for you. And by avoiding these bedroom mistakes, you can start to make tons of progress in your sex life!
We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world.
But we can’t do it without YOU!
BY JOB AYANTOYE