By Selam Kidane
… well it depends on who you are talking to or who you are even… I mean if you are silly enough to have worked for hadas Eritrea until now and if you are stupid enough to have picked up the phone when my friend Ephraiem phoned (that incorrigible amiche who roamed the Stockholm headquarters of the 2 presenters and made mince meat out of them!) you would ask… how do we know he is dead? We didn’t see any body did you? Little did we know last week this time that we would need to be asking about a different corpse!
So is he dead? Yes he is his nephew was telling us how they were considering different burial rites… and them of little faith want to see the body before they are convinced of his death… for if he were alive and they said he was dead then they would be lying… and if he is dead and they didn’t see him alive or dead for over a month and surely he must be alive… I believe them! Especially given their track records…
Did anyone else wonder maybe he died at the wrong time? For if they didn’t offer him a state funeral it would look bad and if they did and the president wasn’t there because he was dead too and they neglected to tell us it would look worse… poor PFDJ goons not having decided on anything of any significance for over 20 years, they suddenly had to decide on what to do with not one but potentially two dead bodies…
Perhaps Monkey went to Sweden to consult with the wisest PFDJites on earth and they told him ‘we want a party before we can think clear!’ They couldn’t though because the monkey chasers declared ‘over our dead body!’ and the monkey didn’t want any more bodies in his hand so he called off the gig!
Prior to that he came here to London to consult with the folk here in London but they were too busy preparing for the state funeral that never was so the body was taken back to the morgue and the monkey went back to the other morgue still with two bodies in his hands.
To make matters worse it was Easter and inconveniently (how dare we!) we were celebrating Resurrection and the anti patriarch announced ‘he is alive!’ And the Monkey’s heart skipped a beat and the cabinet nearly had three bodies in their hand… ‘patriarch’ was dispatched to Jerusalem to consult the angels on how they brought Jesus back to life back then… but those boys from Eritrean Youth for Democratic Change wouldn’t even let him utter a single word of prayer…so he left and forgot to collect the incense and myrrh and the CIA folk took it all the way to Langley and started praying over it…. And it all got a bit awry after that!
After that the Monkey gave up on doing anything about either bodies and Ali Abdu begun to hallucinate seeing IA in various different locations breathing from his knees… poor Asmelash was chained to the same chair from which he attested to seeing what Alli Abdu saw too… and you could almost see the strings attached to him and all five committee members tugging at it I must admit he did better than the time he had to say something about the Ethiopian attack without telling us there was an attack!
So is he dead?… well if he isn’t he is doing a really bad job of showing he is alive!… if he were a horse and I were a betting woman I wouldn’t ask for proof of his death but a proof of his life before I placed my bet on him being alive… and in the three separate occasions the MOI talked about him over less than two days they have told us CIA are praying for him to die (using incense and myrrh) that is a lie! They told us he has the health of a 16 year old youth (fit as a fiddle too!) that is a lie and they told us his health is 300% and that is an outright lie… and so one can perhaps quote other sources and tell us he is alive but I wouldn’t use the Ministry of Information as the source to establish whether we have one or two bodies looking for a state funeral…! The question is which one will they bury first and where?