Breaking News: Ethiopia military now controls the Tigray capital

1 min read

Breaking News: Ethiopia military now controls the Tigray capital

Breaking News: Ethiopia military now controls the Tigray capital



  1. Bling ring!!! Blingring!!
    My phone is ringing off the hook!
    Would everyone of you just shut up! My phone is ringing! There is no name on the caller ID though. It must be an overseas call! Blingring, blingring, blingring!

    Hello! Who is this? May be it is from one of my Taiwanese friends. Wei! Wei! No answer!
    Hello! Who is this?
    Hi Ittu! It is me Debre!
    Hi Debre! Hayudoin?
    Not bad, not good!
    What happened? I heard you are winning the war!
    No exactly. We are winning but not exactly.
    What do you mean exactly?
    Well Jula and his soldiers are in town. I can hear their voice and footsteps. That is the most terrifying noise I’ve have heard my entire life.
    Why are you calling me now? You should be busy hiding, running away. I tell you that Jula and Abiy turned out to the incarnate of Dinagde, Tekle of Gojjam, Mikaeel of Barentu, Mengesha of Tigre, Omar Samatar of Somali, Ali Mirah of Afar and 80 other patriots from the Battle of Adwa all rolled into one!
    Well I know that now. The reason I am calling is if you can locate the ten digits of the new Security Advisor Jake Sullivan and my old pal Susannah!
    No I don’t have their numbers?
    How about Juliani?
    You mean Rudy Giuliani?
    I’m sorry I don’t have his number either!
    O’ grief! They are right outside my front door!
    Who else? Jula’s soldiers! Let me go to the washroom. My stomach has been very sour lately! O’ my god! Don’t shoot! I am the golden race! I can make you a golden race too! Don’t shoot please! Please, please, I am begging you! Down on my knees!!! Please don’t shoot!!!
    And the phone got rudely cut off! Them rascals!!! Poor Debre! He forgot what his father told him when he was a young boy. Don’t pick a fight when you know you get embarrassingly kicked in the $$$.

    Ok everyone, you can go back talking now. I’ve finished talking to Fugitive Debre!!! It’s over!
    Instead, I want you all to stand up and sing along with me the following to the tune of America The Beautiful!!!

    Ethiopia, Ethiopia may God thy gold refine
    ‘Til all success be nobleness
    And every gain divined
    And you know when I was in school
    We used to sing it something like this, listen here
    Oh beautiful, for spacious skies
    For amber waves of grain
    For purple mountain majesties
    Above the fruited plain
    But now wait a minute, I’m talking about
    Ethiopia, sweet Ethiopia
    You know, God done shed his grace on thee!!!!

    Thank you! Thank you! Take a bow, patriots! It is a bright shinning day!!!

  2. This is from BBC and Reuters field reporters.

    The powerful army of Chairman Debre has just overrun the federal capital of Addis Ababa and is in full control of the country. Their northern advance is also nothing but success as they have entered the capital of the former country of Eritrea, Asmara. Confirmed reports have also reached our news desk that both PM Abiy and President Isaias are in custody along with Jula and 5.5 millions soldiers from both countries. Effective today there will be no country called Eritrea. Today is the end of the country called Ethiopia also. Today is the day when a brand new sovereign country called The People’s Republic of Axumia is founded with its Golden Race central committee government and Comrade Debre as its chairman for life. Hello, this is BBC reporting! Hello, this Reuters reporting!!!

  3. If TPLF criminal Debretsion and other junta groups flee to South Sudan or other countries, this is a deliberate sabotage in which Sudan has to be liable on hiding those criminals. Hence, Ethiopian government has to gather their crime and immediately sue their charge in International Criminal Court.

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